Happy Sunday Everyone:
Lot of thoughts today but I think I’m going with the official news that I’ve lost my bet and I’ll be a pescatarian the rest of the year. The boys lost their bet too, they’ll be pescatarians the rest of the month, Kim accomplished her goal, but she is signing up for our “new diet” anyway as a team player. Boys had to get certain grades, I had to lose 25 lbs…Kim had to learn the piano and do a recital in front of 100 strangers (she actually did this). Had everyone hit their goals, we’d be rewarded with a 1964 convertible Lincoln Continental. The consequences, this lovely no meat diet we’re now on. I promise you, this wasn’t all dictated by me, everyone in the family wanted to participate in this.
I’m disappointed, slightly, in myself, slightly in my boys, but the truth be told, at the end of the day, the goals weren’t that important to us or we would have hit them. I heard a quote the other day “If you did not get what you want, it’s a sign that you did not truly want it, or you negotiated over the price”. Perhaps the quote was specific to a cash item, but I like the idea of breaking this down to bargaining/negotiating at a life level. I negotiated my weight by mentally saying “I’ll start in May, I’ll still have plenty of time”. My boys negotiated with their grades by saying “I’ll study later, I’ll work on this assignment tomorrow”. Kim did not negotiate on her goal, she took lessons, she practiced, she signed up for a recital, and she delivered. Side note-In large part, this is also simply a lesson in procrastination. Those that don’t procrastinate have a better/easier time at the finish line.
Where I’m more proud of myself, and certainly my boys, is the understanding that we committed to do something, we didn’t do it, and we will in fact suffer the consequences, or better said, simply own up to what we didn’t do. I had assumed I’d be fighting my boys tooth and nail on not eating meat for a month. I almost wrote off the bet, I figured, after the fact, holding a 12 and 14 year old up to their end of the bargain unless absolutely forced was going to be a serious challenge, which wasn’t something I wanted to deal with (terrible thought process for me to have w/ my kids, which I realize now as I write). Instead-day one, they were ready to go, talking about the new diet and what we could eat and how we were going to get it done as a team.
I have a few take aways from this, especially as we start a new semester with coaching students, and having rewards/penalties for hitting/missing goals, and the bigger picture of “why” we do this.
1. Hang around with people that honor their word. I haven’t told my boys this yet, although I will now, their decision to honor their consequences (without a second thought) flipped a switch in my heart to do the same. Yes I had planned on doing this but knowing their view on it completely changed my commitment level. I went from “how am I going to actually do this”, to “this will happen, period”. Hard to explain this verbally but its profound in my own head, hopefully you can relate.
2. Ask yourself the hard question “do others believe that you’ll honor your word?”. As small as committing to returning a call, all the way to being there for a dying friend, they’re related to each other. Point is, can you be counted on? and it all starts with your commitment to your word. How seriously do you take your own word?
3. Believe people you choose to surround yourself with will honor their word. I’m actually embarrassed I assumed the worst in my boys. I’m a sceptic by nature but trusting and assuming the best, until proven otherwise, is a better starting place.
I’m sure many of you have had similar types of bets/commitments with your family/friends/coworkers. Sometimes even in defeat of a goal a different door will open, which is the case for me today. I’m actually excited about the consequence and quite certain the original goal will now be met. More importantly, I think my boys are understanding a big picture topic that will carry them through life by a simple family bet not met. Our word means everything or nothing.
Have a great week ahead.