Happy Sunday Everyone:
For as long as I’ve done these, I’ve started off with “Happy Sunday Everyone”, today, not so much. We lost the greatest man I’ve ever known on 12/21. My dad had a heart attack on the practice green before heading out to play a round of golf with his friends. The sense of loss is wordless. He was a rock to so many. To not have him at our side, a call away, a text away, a quick drive away, is something so many of us will need to work through. I’m supposed to say “it was a great run”, “he was the best”, “he lived like no one I’ve ever known”, “he was the role model of all role models”, “he loved my mom for 55 years”, “he loved my sister and me unconditionally”, “he was the greatest Papa ever to his 4 grandkids”, “he touched so many lives while on earth”, all of this is true but I hate him not being here.
Some thoughts on my dad and lessons for me to think about:
His energy was infectious. He was larger than life. Everyone in his presence felt his glow. He made everyone feel special. He was singular focused on you when he was speaking with you. Everyone felt they were best friends with my dad. If he didn’t know you, he’d walk right up to you with a big smile and say “Hi, I’m Tom, who are you?”. I’ve talked before about breathing energy into people or sucking it out of them….my dad breathed energy into every single person that was lucky enough to cross his path.
He lived with gratitude. He woke up with gratitude, he went to bed with gratitude. He had gratitude for everything in his life, including all of us, and we felt that gratitude. It created a ripple effect. He’d wake up every morning, come out in his robe, give my mom 4 kisses, grab a cup of coffee…every single day. He’d tell me “I love you buddy”, every single time we hung up a call, or said goodbye in person. It wasn’t “luv ya”..it was I LOVE YOU. It was its own sentence, and it was felt.
His deeds followed his word. He lived a life of honor, integrity, grit, toughness, love, compassion, and was excuseless. I love that word…he was excuseless. The only thing I haven’t seen my dad overcome is a freaking heart attack. War, surgeries, career shifts, deaths, whatever he faced, he never had an excuse. He was the ultimate example of a buffalo running into the storm. He was the chairman of my personal board of directors, and it was the greatest gift of my life to have him there. Yes, he was good for advice, a pep talk, a reality check, but all we really needed to do was watch him operate. If you wanted to know how to have a great marriage, watch my dad. If you wanted to know what integrity meant, watch my dad. If you wanted to know what toughness looked like, watch my dad. If you wanted to know how to walk through life w/ no excuses, watch my dad.
A Sunday thoughts from a while back, i talked about “because of” vs. “in spite of” people. We turn out the way we do in spite of, or because of the people we are surrounded by. My dad was the ultimate example of “because of”. Anything I am today that is good, anything my boys are today that is good, is because of my dad. He was a “because of” to so many people. The outpouring of love and the number of times I’ve heard, “I am (fill in the blank) today BECAUSE of your dad” is many.
He lived each day as though it was his last, he also prepared his family with the same mindset. Yes-it is the ultimate cliche to say, “live each day like it’s your last”. Unlike me, my dad didn’t need quotes, he didn’t need posters, or books to read, he just did it all. I have “some” peace with my dad being gone because he left with nothing unsaid and nothing undone. His last night on earth was having dinner w/ Jack/Thomas/my mom at their house, followed by a tutoring session on world history with Thomas. The day he died he literally had a pitching wedge in his hand when he went down. He crushed life. He went too early for sure, but he absolutely crushed life. What he also did though was he set his family up. Every code, every contact, everyone we need to support our family, is organized, documented, ready….that’s how my dad was.
I could write a book on the lessons of Tom Marckwardt. I now know this for certain, there is a direct correlation to the love you produced while here to the pain felt when you’re gone. Part of my sadness is the simple fact that no-one here is better for my dad not being here. I have faith, I believe he’s in heaven, but it doesn’t change the sadness of him not being here today.
Final thought-and going back to leaving nothing unsaid. I truly thank God that I left nothing unsaid with my dad. Being on this side of this event, it is a phone call away for many of us, its life, we’re all going to die. Leaving nothing unsaid with my dad is the singular peace that I have from this whole thing. I’d push anyone reading this to make sure they leave nothing unsaid with the people they love too.