Happy Sunday Everyone:
I’m proud of myself. It’s been almost 13 years since I told Jack (my oldest) that he was going to be a loser if he didn’t try harder during an indoor soccer game on the car ride home (he was 6). It’s now turned into a family joke but every time we joke about it, I’m reminded of what kind of a jackass it takes to make that comment in the first place. Kim and the boys would tell you I’ve changed my tune a lot as a parent but if I could advise all the younger parents out there, skip that phase, you’ll regret it. If you find yourself just a little too intense, and about to make some incredibly stupid comment to your kid, I hope I pop into your brain right before you do.
Fast forward to today, to say I’m proud of how Jack turned out would be understatement, certainly with no help from my soccer game outburst. He’s also had a tough run the past few months. He’s not sure he’s loving the college he chose, he’s dealing with the loss of his best friend, and overall, a little out of sorts and trying to figure out the path moving forward. When I tell you I’ve changed my tune from 13 years ago, I have, but I can still be the authoritative parent i.e. more advise than ears at times. I was explaining Jack’s predicament to a good friend, her daughter had gone to the same school, she also knows Jack and his high character, she sent me a simple txt and said this “Go easy on him, life isn’t always a straight line and character is built in the curves”. I was sitting next to Jack when I received the text, oddly enough talking about his “stuff” with him, and probably erring on the side of advice more than ears i.e., i was doing all the talking. I probably shouldn’t need a friend’s words to redirect me, but I did. In that moment, and ever sense, I’ve taken down the attitude of “my solution will work for you” and replaced it with “you’re an incredible kid and we will figure this out together”. Since making the switch, we’ve covered more ground together, bigger/better talks, more open. I told him about Dana’s comment. I think he’s feeling a little satisfaction in knowing character is being developed right now in this process, like its intentional and he’s proud of himself for making some hard decisions.
I guess with all these Sunday Thoughts it helps me more than anyone else because it’s my own head and I’m not always sure I can take what’s in my head and put them to words but a few take aways for me.
We don’t need to have all the answers for people we love and care about, we need to listen. In my eulogy to my dad, I wrote “He was so genuinely interested in our lives. He cared so much about our progress, our setbacks, and the path forward. He was honored to be invited to the table to solve a problem. He would listen like no other. He never gave an answer, he asked enough questions where the answer became obvious”. Crazy to me how things come full circle.
Being present enough to realize when we’re dealing with a curve in our own lives, and understanding how we handle the curve is creating character is liberating to me. Puts more purpose to the pain. Makes it worthwhile.
Being present enough to realize when someone else is dealing with their own curve. How do you show up to handle the curves of others? A question we should ask often and challenge ourselves to get better.
I’m not sure if this was an original thought from my friend, I think it was, I told her it’s as impactful of a statement as I’ve heard in a long time, although what I needed to hear more than anything was “Go easy on him”.
Have a great rest of your Sunday!
P.S. Jack approved me hitting the send button.