Happy Sunday Everyone,
Most recent Sunday Thoughts have been all business. I’m sending one out from 7 years ago, I believe for the 3rd time. Why? I wish i had done more of it, but glad I did it at all. Goal would be for someone to take me up on “just say yes to anything” day. Doesn’t have to be for a kid, can be a spouse, a friend, whoever. In hindsight, its days like this one that will last forever in my gratitude memories. Kim and the boys would tell you I’m not easy, plenty of “wish i could take that back” but this isn’t one of them. Brag on Thomas too, 7 years later, a few Sunday Thoughts on him overcoming learning disabilities, getting cut from football earlier on, wanting to be healthier than he was. He’s a senior now going on to play football at University of San Diego. It’s not his final chapter, but his hardest chapters and how he handled them has led him to where his current path has taken him.
Crazy for me to reread this whole thing 7 years later.
From April 2017:
This isn’t quite as long as it looks….
This past Wednesday I got home at 6:15, Kim had to take Jack (13) to baseball, she wouldn’t return until 9:15. I walk in the house and Thomas said “Dad, I want to work on my summer body”. Thomas is 11. Thomas is funny (although was serious). Thomas is built like me. Thomas likes to eat. Thomas is a big boy. I’m also tired, long day, back from spring break, opening day of Giants Game, etc.….
Thomas: “dad, can we go to the gym?”
Me: “now?”
Thomas: “yes”
Me: “5, 4, 3, 2, 1, okay T, let’s go to the gym”
we go to the gym, we stretch, I teach him how to do bench press (3 sets), Military press (3 sets), and lat pulls (3 sets)…that’s good for one night. Walking out to parking lot:
Thomas: “dad, I want to eat healthier, what should I eat?”
Me: “well what do you really like, if it’s healthy, we should eat more of that, and less of the bad stuff”.
Thomas: “BBQed chicken breast with the special shit dry rub” …This is a real dry rub we have, and he loves saying it.
Me: “okay, do you want to go the grocery store right now and we can buy chicken breasts and BBQ them tonight, and then you can have them for lunch each day?”
Thomas: “REALLY DAD?”
Me: “yes buddy, let’s do it”
We go to the store, we get chicken breasts, we come home and BBQ them with the special s$#@ seasoning. As we’re BBQing,
Thomas: “dad, can we go in the spa?”
me: “sure, after we’re done BBQing”
Thomas” “are you serious, thanks dad.”
We’re done BBQing and we’re in the spa.
Thomas: “Dad, did you almost die from your blood clots?”….one year anniversary is right now, and we’d been talking about it as a family.
Me: “No, I don’t think so”
Thomas: “dad, were you scared?”
Me: “a little but I thought I was going to be okay”
Thomas: “Dad, am I going to go to Heaven?”
Me: “yes”, with 3 min more of explanation.
Thomas: “Dad, if you have cancer what are the chances of you dying?”
Me: “it depends on what kind of cancer”…plus another 3 minutes of explanation.
Thomas: “dad, when I’m your age, I think they’ll have figured out how to solve most cancers, so I don’t think I need to worry about it”
Me: “that’s a great point”.
Thomas: “Dad, what are we going to do when the Sun burns out in 2 million years and there is no more life?”
Me: “is that true?”
Thomas: “yes, I saw it in National Geographic”
Me “oh, well I don’t think we should be thinking, or worrying about anything that far out.”
Thomas: “okay, do want to get out and watch the rest of the giants game?”
Me: “sure”.
Sitting on couch watching the rest of the giant’s game:
Thomas: “Hey Dad, I’m going to go upstairs now, this was one of the best nights ever, thanks, I love you”.
Most nights I would not do this. Instead, I would come home, I would have a glass of wine, I would sit on the couch, and I would veg out. My coach had asked me earlier in the day on a coach’s call, “what is your biggest fear right now?”. My response was my performance as a father. Those who have gone before me know the moment in time where you realize you have much less time with your kids in the house…those behind me will eventually feel this exact same feeling, although it can’t be shared until its felt. It’s a club. Overall, I think I’m a pretty good dad, but when you have a night like Wednesday, you have both profound happiness, for the experience, and regret, for not having more, knowing how easy the creation of this experience was. It just took me saying yes to everything for 90 minutes. For whatever reason, Thomas and I will both remember Wednesday night for the rest of our lives, I’m certain of this.
Most people reading this email are A personality types, drivers. Some great things come w/ these personalities, but I think at times, the weakness in these personalities is we think the urgent business stuff is most important, and the truly important stuff, we will get to later i.e. quality time w/ Thomas. For me-I’m hitting those crossroads where putting off the quality time is staring me in the eyes, and I’m questioning how much more time I have to create memories my kids will remember. Not trips to Hawaii, or other extravagant things I can just throw money at, but quality time, where I just do what we did on Wednesday. Great moments are created when we don’t feel like saying yes, but know we should, and actually say “yes”. Spouse “you want to go for a walk”, Kids “you want to throw the ball”….friends “grab a beer or a cup of coffee”….At 42, perhaps this is a positive midlife crisis but the fact that life doesn’t last forever is hauntingly in my face, especially with my boys, and especially with this stage of their lives. Perhaps you can use this as a point of reference this week to say “no” to something that will have no bearing on your overall happiness and say “yes” to something which will be profoundly important when you fast forward to the end of the road.
Pic from last week, and pic from 2017. Didn’t mean to leave Jack out but he’s off at school (doing great).
