Happy Sunday Everyone:
This is a retread, but an important one. As I said it 2017, it’s not quite as long as it looks.
Sunday 3/13/2022
I had a couple people las week reach out to me regarding my Geronimo Thoughts with Thomas. They reached out from a caring perspective. Parents who have come before me, and have learned in hind sight all they really wanted/needed was for their kids to be happy, healthy, and hopefully productive members of society. I appreciated the reach out. My first reaction was defensive, because from my perspective the story wasn’t about my need for my kids to get good grades, but for them to try….BUT that’s not the point. Their simple point was to give me perspective on their stories and what they learned in hindsight.
It caused me to go back and reflect on the innocence of our children and how much I miss those days, and also glad for the days today, having date night last night with Jack (18) , his girlfriend, Ava, and Kim and I. Below is one of the best nights of my parenting life, and for those who are coming after me, and have younger kids, I’d highly recommend a “yes to everything night”.
Sunday 4/17/2017
This isn’t quite as long as it looks….
This past Wednesday I got home at 6:15, Kim had to take Jack (13) to baseball, she wouldn’t return until 9:15. I walk in the house and Thomas said “Dad, I want to work on my summer body”. Thomas is 11. Thomas is funny (although was serious). Thomas is built like me. Thomas likes to eat. Thomas is a big boy. I’m also tired, long day, back from spring break, opening day of Giants Game, etc.….
Thomas: “dad can we go to the gym?”
Me: “now?”
thomas: “yes”
Me: “5, 4, 3, 2, 1, okay T, let’s go to the gym”
we go to the gym, we stretch, I teach him how to do bench press (3 sets), Military press (3 sets), and lat pulls (3 sets)…that’s good for one night. Walking out to parking lot:
Thomas: “dad, I want to eat healthier, what should I eat?”
Me: “well what do you really like, if it’s healthy, we should eat more of that, and less of the bad stuff”.
Thomas: “bbqed chicken breast with the special shit dry rub” …This is a real dry rub we have and he loves saying it.
Me: “okay, do you want to go to the grocery store right now and we can buy chicken breasts and BBQ them tonight, and then you can have them for lunch each day?”
Thomas: “REALLY DAD?”
Me: “yes buddy, let’s do it”
We go to the store, we get chicken breasts, we come home and BBQ them with the special s$#@ seasoning. As we’re BBQing,
thomas: “dad, can we go in the spa?”
me: “sure, after we’re done BBQing”
thomas” “are you serious, thanks dad”
We’re done BBQing and we’re in the spa.
thomas: “Dad, did you almost die from your blood clots?”….one year anniversary is right now and we’d been talking about it as a family.
Me: “No, I don’t think so”
Thomas: “dad, were you scared?”
Me: “a little but I thought I was going to be okay”
Thomas: “Dad, am I going to go to Heaven?”
Me: “yes”, with 3 min more of explanation.
Thomas: “Dad, if you have cancer what are the chances of you dying?”
Me: “it depends on what kind of cancer and what stage of cancer”…plus another 3 minutes of explanation.
Thomas: “dad, when I’m your age, I think they’ll have figured out how to solve most cancers, so I don’t think I need to worry about it”
Me: “that’s a great point”.
Thomas: “Dad, what are we going to do when the Sun burns out in 2 million years and there is no more life?”
Me: “is that true?”
Thomas: “yes, I saw it in National Geographic”
Me “oh, well I don’t think we should be thinking, or worrying about anything that far out”
Thomas: “okay, do want to get out and watch the rest of the giants game?”
Me: “sure”.
Sitting on couch watching the rest of the giants game:
Thomas: “Hey Dad, I’m going to go upstairs now, this was one of the best nights ever, thanks, I love you”.
Most nights I would not do this. Instead, I would come home, I would have a glass of wine, I would sit on the couch and I would veg out. Rick had asked me earlier in the day on a coaches call, “what is your biggest fear right now?”. My response was my performance as a father. Those who have gone before me know the moment in time where you realize you have much less time with your kids in the house…those behind me will eventually feel this exact same feeling, although it can’t be shared until its felt. It’s a club. Overall, I think I’m a pretty good dad, but when you have a night like Wednesday, you have both profound happiness, for the experience, and regret, for not having more, knowing how easy the creation of this experience was. It just took me saying yes to everything for 90 minutes.
For whatever reason, Thomas and I will both remember Wednesday night for the rest of our lives, I’m certain of this. Most people reading this email are A personality types, drivers. Some great things come w/ these personalities, but I think at times, the weakness in these personalities is we think the urgent business stuff is most important, and the truly important stuff, we will get to later i.e. quality time w/ Thomas. For me-I’m hitting those crossroads where putting off the quality time is staring me in the eyes, and I’m questioning how much more time I have to create memories my kids will remember. Not trips to Hawaii, or other extravagant things I can just throw money at, but quality time, where I just do what we did on Wednesday. Great moments are created when we don’t feel like saying yes, but know we should, and actually say “yes”. Spouse “you want to go for a walk”, Kids “you want to throw the ball”….friends “grab a beer or a cup of coffee”….At 42, perhaps this is a positive midlife crisis but the fact that life doesn’t last forever is hauntingly in my face, especially with my boys, and especially with this stage of their lives. Perhaps you can use this as a point of reference this week to say “no” to something that will have no bearing on your overall happiness, and say “yes” to something which will be profoundly important when you fast forward to the end of the road.