Happy Sunday Everyone:
I swore to myself I wouldn’t write about this when it first popped in my head but it’s too valuable not to, and if I share it with all of you, the likelihood of history not repeating itself will increase. What happened? I talked about understanding your value last Sunday, and the need to ask vs. relying on your own perception of your value. So I was talking to one of my all-time favorite referral partners last Monday. I met her 8 years ago when I shifted my business to focus on the purchase side and working with Realtors, she was one of the first to give me a chance. She has no problem giving me direct feedback on what’s working and not, but she cares (I do loans for her, her family members etc..) so I listen. I asked her “why do you use me?”, her response, “I still use you because you guys execute every single time, but from a relationship stand point, I feel like an old shoe”…. So when someone says that to you, what do you do, besides crap in your pants? You listen! You stop talking and you listen!! Her feedback was what I needed to hear. At the end of the day, I was neglecting our relationship. I was relying 100% on my process and forgetting the purpose of why I do what I do. Her feedback was coming from a good place, an honest place, and one that will help me forever with her, and my other business partners. Did I enjoy the conversation? no…it sucked…but did I learn from it? yes…a ton. Lessons for me:
1. Honest feedback and asking hard questions allows for growth and understanding.
2. Although I should not rely on my own “perception” of my value, I need to appreciate that others perception is all that matters. A common statement I make, but something I need to remember more is “your perception as my client, as my business partner, is my reality”. If I believe someone’s perception is not accurate, I need to decide if I want to work with them, but it doesn’t change their perception being my reality. In this case, I want to work with this person.
3. When you ask hard questions and get hard answers, you need to respond, you cannot react. You do not get defensive. Defending yourself serves very little purpose and is only making you feel better, not the other person.
4. The feedback you receive is a reflection of the relationship you have. If you get surface level feedback you have a surface level relationship i.e. dangerous.
5. If you ask for feedback, and you care about the relationship, you better listen, implement, and prove that the person was heard.
6. I know of no one that wants to be someone else’s old shoe.
This business partner cared about me enough to give me this feedback, but I was (still am) vulnerable. How much longer with her working inside of our “process” without me remembering my “purpose” would she have stayed? My guess is it would been over after our first screw up….some new shiny object that has been prospecting her, making her feel important, valuable etc….finally giving her that reason to give them a chance. Why do we not want people to feel like an old shoe? because it’s the right thing to do….our spouses, our kids, our friends, our co-workers, our clients, our business partners…..no one should feel like an old shoe. It’s usually the old shoes that mean the most, and get the least attention. I think we’d all be better for taking. a moment or two to ponder who might feel like an old shoe in our life, and make a change asap!
Enjoy your Sunday.