Happy Sunday Everyone:
Little personal on this one and a little long but an “aha” moment for me as a dad. I’ll admit, might be more applicable to parents.
Jack and I just got back from 7 days of baseball in Cooperstown. He was invited last minute by a great team and was basically subbing for a great kid/player who couldn’t make the trip. The team is a cross town rival of ours and really good. Jack is good but with much less experience and he only knew one of the players, needless to say he was nervous.
Plane ride home I was going to start talking to Jack about what I thought he needed to improve on based on his performance. Kim popped into my head with her constant message of “for every critique you give our boys, you need to think of 3 nice things to say in addition to”. With Jack’s permission, I’ve attached the letter I wrote him. This was in place of critiquing him at that moment and instead reflecting on bigger stuff. Since writing it, and now reading it 10 times, here are some personal points I took away from it, and hope you will consider too.
· With anyone we truly care about, especially kids/spouses, write down what you love about them and share it. This could have been a fleeting moment of undesired advice, and instead will become something Jack and I go back to as a point of reference. He was very happy to read it and talk to me about it.
· We all have the opportunity to build people up or knock them down by our words, especially with our kids. I’ve been on the wrong side too many times with my kids. This exercise helped me a ton and will stay with me.
· Writing things down, saving them, and reviewing them, helps to bring out what is truly important and what is not. I know this sounds simple but how much do we really write down and review important topics…like what we love about our kids/spouses? If this sounds cheesy, change your mindset.
· Asking the question of “what’s the point to this” is something that should be considered often. Is this going to help or hurt? If it’s going to hurt, stop it. if it’s going to help, do it more. Me critiquing Jack on his swing would hurt, what’s written below is something that he will hopefully keep forever and build him up.
· Feel good about doing good things and do them more often. I’m proud of what I wrote below to Jack…..feels so much better than the alternative, the rat hole I’ve been down so many times….good intentions, not well thought out, leading to nowhere.
Note to Jack below, obviously written to Jack without Sunday thoughts in mind so excuse the specifics. Happy Sunday.
Sitting here next to you on plane while you watch star wars and couldn’t help reflecting on this past week. So much I want to talk to you about but I know my life lessons can get a little old so I’ll put this in writing and “hopefully” you’ll hold onto it. Here are some thoughts I wanted to share with you based on what I saw this past week:
1. Everyone loves you
2. You’re kind to everyone and in return you calm people because they know you have the best intentions.
3. Coaches were amazed at how well you fit in.
4. Coaches love coaching you because you listen, ask questions, and then execute. Ex. Play at first base with stepping outside baseline then touching bag, then shifting right and flipping ball to Gannon. Coach Jim and Tom made a point to tell me this.
5. You do what you want. You’re more comfortable in your own skin than most. When you wanted to rest, you rested.
6. You never get down on anyone else. You helped motivate a team that has been together for 5 years and you knew these boys for 5 days, and they all consider you a great friend now.
7. You congratulate opponents who hit home runs when they run by you. you congratulate success of everyone. This is awesome.
8. You’re witty.
9. You’re strong, big, and handsome.
10. You make other parents believe your mom and I are doing something right.
11. You’re an awesome representation of being a Marckwardt.
12. You bring massive joy to me. Watching you hit the home run on the championship field is one of my greatest joys. Not just because you hit it but because you took a chance to come to this tournament without knowing anyone and I believe you’d say it was one of your all time greatest moments, if not the one. You wouldn’t have experienced it if you didn’t step outside of your comfort zone to be here in the first place. Please recognize this often when you want to stay inside the comfort zone. Nothing good comes from it.
What do we both learn from this trip:
1. As your dad I have been reminded with how special you are by others who witness you. I will never get tired of hearing what a great kid I have.
2. You need to continue to believe in yourself and step outside of your comfort zone. Every single time you do, something special happens.
3. If you love doing something, like baseball, you need to allocate the time to be the best you can personally be. Not what someone else’s personal best is, but your personal best. You need to question, am I doing my best? If you are, you don’t need to question much else.
4. I need to reflect often how special you are and thank God for you being my son.
5. Winning formula is “confidence and humility”. You have humility down, let’s focus on your confidence. Without it you’re limited, with it, your true potential is limitless, but I still love your humble heart.
6. Winning is fun.
7. Teamwork and bringing team mates up helps. You win as a team and you lose as a team.
8. Having positive, fair, firm, honest, and knowledgeable coaches is something we need to focus on moving forward. These guys were amazing.
9. Baseball is an awesome sport. Understanding the history of something or someone makes us appreciate it/them more. I think we need to take more time to understand this with anything we care about. Being at Doubleday stadium with you after the hall of fame gave me a greater appreciation for what we were doing there.
10. Spending this time with you this week was one of the highlights of my life and something I will never forget. I hope you feel the same way. Let’s do more of these types of activities together, and as a family. Making our own memories is way better than watching others make theirs.
I love you, son. I’m really proud to be your dad.