Happy Sunday Everyone:
This past Wednesday I had one of the best lunches ever. One of my favorite business partners, turned friend, and his client, also turned friend, celebrating the purchase of his family’s new home. Although I’m always game for a celebration, it’s not often (if ever) that I go out for a lunch like this but Andrew (business partner/friend) suggested I needed to meet Joseph (new client and friend).
The 3 of us put together qualify as very deep thinkers. Andrew kept telling me throughout Joseph’s purchase that we needed to meet, how much I was going to love this guy. During the actual purchase we didn’t have much time. Joseph works as a longshoreman in Oakland from 6:00PM to 3:00AM, so much of our communication was done via email. Joseph also decided to up and leave with his wife to visit Morocco in the middle of his purchase. Why? It’s on her bucket list. Why is that important, because according to the doctors, she’s on borrowed time. 1 year past her projected passing, brain cancer. So although I was very excited to meet this man, I really didn’t have much context except from what I knew from Andrew. He just kept telling we were cut from the same cloth, that was it…..turns out I couldn’t have received a bigger compliment.
So here I am at a fancy restaurant in Berkeley, first comes, Andrew, then a few minutes later, Joseph. Joseph is a 47, he’s big, and strong, looks tough. He comes around the corner and gives me a hug. We sit down and jump in. We’re talking about stress, we’re talking about life, we’re talking about death, we’re talking like we’ve known each other our whole lives. I can’t do what came out of this lunch for me, justice, but I want to try a few points that came from it as I reflect back:
1. Andrew: One part of our conversation we were talking about our stress levels and our daily grind. Andrew just turned 65, he has longer/deeper perspective As we’re talking about stress (which I’ll be doing my best to stop talking about i.e. last week’s Sunday thoughts), Andrew made this comment; Its narcissistic for us to act this stressed out”. That comment just sank in. I love reframing thoughts, and to reframe the thought of stress, the amount of time I’m either talking about it, , or feeling it, is a narcissistic act. I hate narcissism. If you want to cut me off at the knees, call me a narcissist. When I think about it like that, it truly grosses me out. It changes my head around the concept of why I should be stressed. Unless you’re dealing with real crap (which I’m not), its narcissistic to act/talk/feel stress. That’s my thought process moving forward.
2. Joseph: Everyone reading this would be a better person for having lunch with Joseph. His inner peace is indescribable. This is a guy who came to California when he was 17 with a bus ticket and $100, now has 2 beautiful daughters, a wife, who is gravely ill, a job that has him working while we’re sleeping, and seems to carry a load of nothing. Looking at Joseph, and hearing Joseph, it’s not about being grateful for not being in his shoes, it’s admiration instead for how he views the world, which I intend to spend time figuring out. He views life one day at a time. His REAL stress is so big I can’t really fathom it, yet he looks at it all as it comes his way, then he deals with it, and he’s on to the next. He strikes me as always being present. There is a balance of planning for the future, and being present in all that you do. I think he would argue that we don’t know what the future holds so we need focus on being present now.
3. Me: Part of our conversation was around spending as much time as we can doing what brings us joy, and spending less time doing what doesn’t . Andrew seems to have mastered this and hearing him explain what he says no to is hysterical. I bring it back to the podcast I heard a while back where the guy says every decision is a “f yes, or hell no, and there are a lot more hell no’s”. We all agreed doing what we were doing at that lunch, having big, heavy, deep, hysterical, tear wrenching, type of conversations is what we all loved doing. It’s not for everyone but for me it’s amazing. I love big relationships and they can only be accomplished by getting emotionally naked. That’s one of my happiest places…probably sounds strange….I don’t care.
So I’ll leave you with this reminder to myself, there are people in this world that are amazing and I’ll never know this unless I dive in and get beyond the surface level stuff, when I do get beyond, that is where fun begins.