Happy Sunday Everyone:
I believe I’ve discussed it before, but it’s crazy having a kid that has your personality, the pros and the cons. Thomas (16) is me, for better, and at times, for worse. Let’s start with the looks, we’re both incredibly handsome (please), we both have ADD, we both prefer street smarts over book smarts, we both wear our emotions on our sleeves, and we’re both very quick to go postal during an argument. To say we’re stubborn would be an understatement. This being the case, you can imagine what happens when we butt heads, it doesn’t leave Kim feeling great about either of us, most of all me (I’m supposed to be the adult). In a moment of sheer genius, Thomas and I instituted “Geronimo”. Geronimo is the code word when we’re both out of control and the argument is going nowhere. If one of us calls out “Geronimo”, it means we’re taking a break, we’ve lost perspective on what we’re fighting about, and simply fighting to fight…something we both enjoy doing from time to to time.
Thomas and I don’t have to use Geronimo often but we did this past week. I came home from work travel, asked about school, didn’t get the response I was looking for, and ended up having a less than productive conversation with Thomas about the merits of great grades and hard work. 20 minutes in, we called “Geronimo”. In returning to our corners, I thought about how similar he and I are and how am I going to go back into the ring for resolution vs. the next round of a fight. I came back in asking about “why” a certain grade was what it was vs. fighting about it. Thomas was explaining chemistry and what happens when he doesn’t understand something, he simply shuts down, his brain can’t process further, he gets frustrated, he gets angry, and simply shuts down. I was thinking how much I do the same thing, when I don’t understand something, my first reaction is annoyance for not understanding, then anger, then retreat. It’s not good for either of us but it’s what we both do. The key for both of us is to get through the first reaction. If we get through the first reaction, we almost always end with a positive outcome. The key is to never make a long term decision in that very short term moment and mindset. It’s like our individual version of Geronimo in our own heads, and having the presence to call it out. I’m not going to go into here but I’ve made a few long term decisions in the moment when I should have called a personal Geronimo, and I regret them all.
Thomas and I sitting down and discussing all of this was one of the more magical moments I’ve experienced as a parent. To tell your son, “you are me, and I am you, so I understand what it’s like”, was liberating for both of us. It made me appreciate his struggle so much more and as important, to help him find resolution (and me). I’d like to think when he and I think clearly, our thoughts are as good as they get, some serious goodness comes on the other side of our own personal Geronimo’s.
Oddly enough, 100% this week on his Chemistry quiz & homework….go figure.
Have a great rest of your Sunday.