Happy Sunday Everyone:
Tuesday of last week I woke up earlier than normal (shocker). I did my morning routine and was writing a few things I was thankful for. Then the first words in my journal were “Foundational development vs. reactional comparison”. I think I wrote this down because my final gratitude entry was the relationship I have with Jack and Thomas at this moment in time. We played catch in our driveway after dinner on Monday Night. Thomas still plays baseball, Jack doesn’t (ending freshman and junior year now), but we were out there just having fun throwing the ball around and I was thinking how grateful I was for them, how much I loved them. Those words popped in my head because of what those boys mean to me when I’m the most proud of them vs. how I can feel myself going sideways sometimes when I compare them to others (not something I’m proud to admit, but it happens). I’m most proud of them when I love them for what Kim and I raised them to be, which first and foremost, are kind young men, which I think we’ve done a pretty good job with. Where I can be less than my best self is if I let comparing one component of another kid get into my head. This can be around grades, sports, accomplishment, anything. I’m very proud to say it happens less today than any time in my past but it happens. While we were playing catch, Jack mentioned one of his buddies, and some high end college he was getting into, and I immediately went into compare mode, hence the reason for the thought Tuesday morning of foundational development vs. reactional comparison.
I see foundational development as the commitment I have to the stated values, beliefs, and goals that I have for myself and for our family. I see reactional comparison as the snap decisions (or comments) I’ll make when I compare myself (or anything around me) to someone/something else. The more confident and committed I am in my values/beliefs, the more I stay on my own path vs. reacting when comparing myself to others. This can be true for myself, this can be true for my family, this can be true for my team, this can be true for my company. It’s been said many of times the comparison is the thief of joy. Play my own game, play your own game, but don’t compare mine to yours and vice versa unless there is beneficial reason to do i.e. if I’m comparing someone else’s business model to try to better mine, great. If I’m comparing my success to your failure to feel better, bad, if I’m comparing your success to my failure for the sake of getting down on myself, bad.
When I think of the foundational development we’ve put toward Jack and Thomas and reflect back on where we are now, it’s the same as me being a good finder in both of them as I recognize how many great things they represent, when I think of reactional comparison it’s an automatic fault finder mindset and I look for everything they’re not, and then get annoyed with them for not being something someone else is…really bad head space there.
Net net-for me, I can apply this concept to everything in my life but none of it is more important than applying it to my kids. At this stage of their life so much of their confidence comes from their belief in our belief in them, and they deserve to be believed in.