I feel like I’ve been talking about my 40th for 40 days, which probably means I’m talking too much about myself. But because its August, my birthday month, and because Thursday is the big day in which my life is suppose to change forever, I’ll continue to talk about myself. The weights are stacked in the garage, I cut my hair short, grew a beard, and started spray tanning weekly, I bought some new muscle shirts and because I’ve been doing push ups for 40 days, I know I look like a 40 year old stud…..in all seriousness, as it approaches, it feels a little weird but it also feels great. It feels great because 4.5 years ago I put more purpose in my life by joining a group of people who hold me accountable to be a better person. I don’t mean to preach or stand on a soap box and testify but here I am doing just that. Its one thing to read one email or watch one video, or hear one song, or read one book, and then act for one second as though your life is changed, and then tell those around you how your life has changed, only to be the same person the next week…Its another to go through a life transformation over a long period of time and wake up on the other end feeling blessed beyond all recognition. Gratitude is a word I’m trying to accept more and more and today I have gratitude. I’m more secure today than anytime in my past with who I am. My whole life I have struggled with being insecure, questioning myself against my friends, against my peers at work, against everybody. Finding a sick satisfaction in those that had less than me and being on edge with those that had more. As I look back at 40 to try to understand those feelings, and what I’ve done in the past 4.5 years with working toward my own security, I believe my shift was brought about by being forced to step out of my comfort zone, and having great people around me to catch me if I fell (which happens much less than one would think). Our comfort zone sucks as it minimizes all of our potential, it keeps us stale and flat. If I had to think of a single word to describe our comfort zones, the word would be “boring”. Its boring to not grow, its boring to not challenge yourself and those around you. I’ve had a good life but if I’m being honest with myself, I was a little boring for 35.5 years. My wife, my kids, my parents, my friends, might not have seen it but knowing what I know now with who I am and what I’m capable of, I was a little boring.
I start writing these things and then wonder where I’m going…(did I just type that)?
I will always have some self doubt, I will always question who I am, what I’ve done, good and bad, what kind of a husband, father, friend, and coach I am. But today, as I type this, I can say I have more security in myself than ever before because of choosing to step out of my comfort zone 4.5 years ago. The gratitude that comes with that, to overcome insecurities I’ve had since I can remember, to believe that I’m capable of mostly anything, is a feeling I’ve never had before and its awesome.
I apologize for pontificating on my own personal journey at 40 but to sum it up best, 4.5 years ago I would never consider sending this email to a group of people with the fear of being judged, today I send it hoping it hits home with just one person and not really worrying what others think.
Have a great week!!