Happy Sunday Everyone:
‘m not sure if I’d call it joy, vs. fascinating for me, but I like to think about events that take place in our lives and then regurgitate them into a bigger meaning/purpose. It’s a giant game of connect the dots. Much of it relates to me, and some of it relates to others but it’s basically how I think about writing this stuff each week. Trying to get you to understand where my head is because I can’t figure how to say what I want to say, and the reasons behind it….and I’m sure now you’re more confused. This one goes back to good finder vs. fault finder and keeping things in perspective.
I’ve mentioned recently that raising teenagers is slightly more difficult than I anticipated, and for so many reasons. Why? because it turns out Kim and I are not raising perfect boys, and I find this very frustrating. Why do I find this frustrating? because I was perfect. I was an exceptional student, I was an amazing athlete, I did everything my parents asked of me, I never screwed up, studied without being asked, cleaned my room, worked out every day, ate like I was writing a book on health…I was perfect, so why would I expect less. Of course none of this is true, but I parent like it was, and it’s a mistake.
I can grind, I can nitpick, I can be that “fault finder” I talked about a couple of weeks ago. I’m not sure I’m always acting like my boys biggest support team. So then a little dose of reality comes when I read a thank you note given to Jack for coaching his 3rd grade flag football team (jack is a freshman). The note reads verbatim ” Coach Jack-Thank you so much for your commitment and dedication to our 3rd grade Red Team! We all agree we lucked out with you as our coach! Thank you for your kindness and humility on the field and off. You are truly special. Love The kids and parent.”
My point is here is not to brag about my son. My point here, for me, and hopefully many of you, is to keep it in perspective.
Some thoughts rolling through my brain.
1. I/we need to widen our lenses on what is truly important. I can pound on jack over his grades etc….but I have an entire group of parents who I’ve never met before choosing the words “kindness and humility” for my son. If my own tombstone read “he was kind and humble” that would be enough. Good finder vs. fault finder, I need to remember I would take kindness/humility over an A in algebra all day or a home run on the baseball field. I need to remember this often and find gratitude for what he is, and limit finding fault for what he is not.
2. Words matter. I’ll skip the details but I’m writing about this because it hasn’t been an easy freshman year. Jack is working hard and not always getting the results he wants which affects confidence etc… Whatever parent it was that chose to take an extra minute of their time to say something beyond “thanks for a great season coach”, has no idea how much of an impact it had on all of us, including Jack. Jack read it aloud, looked at me, smiled and said “winning”.
3. I’m sure this goes for most, if not all of you, and its life in general, but there is a lot of “keeping up” in my area. What college, what sports, what income, what size house, what car, etc….For me, this is another reminder for Kim and I to play our own game, based on our priorities, and our values. Crazy enough, when we talked about raising boys from day one, the first word used was to raise “kind” boys. Comparing yourself or your kids to others is terrible. Two outcomes, you either feel bad because of what you don’t have, or you feel good because of what someone else doesn’t have. Both scenarios suck. Feel good about what you have and leave it at that.
Net net is we all have to deal with everything that life throws at us i.e. kids, marriage, work, life…but recognizing big picture stuff of what you actually have vs. don’t have in the people around you is worth taking a few extra moments to think about….you’ll view those people in a different and better light.
BTW-this is the first year he coached, last year most of the team was together and finished last, this year undefeated and won the championship…and who says nice guys finish last. Pic attached.