Happy Sunday Everyone:
Realizing now I’ve been doing these Sunday Thoughts for 3 plus years, which means I’ve done approx 150 of them or so….Content is always new but concepts are very much repeated because there just aren’t than many new concepts to talk about.
I was invited by an old colleague to have lunch last week, from my days in software. First 10 minutes were fine, then I realized I kept asking all the questions. Nothing was coming back. We talked about him, his job, his family, his current state of affairs, nothing coming back, for 75 minutes….finally in the parking lot as we were shaking hands he asked how old my kids were. I said “11 and 13”, and that was it. I was walking back to the office thinking to myself how much I didn’t enjoy this experience. I was reminded of why I wasn’t in more contact with this person throughout the years. He’s not a bad person, but as I thought through it, and think through it more now , I realize how much I’m not interested in people who have no interest in being interested in me. why would I? Who in your life, that you enjoy being with leaves you with the impression they have no interest in you? As important, do I leave this impression with anyone else? that I’m not interested in them? It’s not to say I’m interested in everyone, or having a relationship with everyone, I’m not…nor is everyone interested in being in a relationship with me but for the relationships we currently have, or want to have, or think we want to have, we need to have some emotional/communication intelligence around the subject.
We can all say what we want but at the end of the day, our business success and personal joy, in large part, is based off of our relationships…and those relationships can’t exist if the person on the other end feels like I did last week. I know I’ve said this before but I think it’s worth repeating (for me as much as for anyone…a few reminders).
1. People who ask more questions and talk less about themselves are more enjoyable to be around.
2. There is a huge difference between listening to someone and waiting to speak. I was on a coaching call last week and we’re all on video and jumping in to talk…if I’m jumping in to talk AT someone, there is no way I’m listening to a word they’re saying. I was annoyed. Try waiting for 1 second before talking after someone is done speaking.
3. Whether it’s a client/friend/family member, we can only help once we fully understand what someone needs, and we can only understand what they need by listening to them entirely.
4. Great friend once told me in dealing with conflict, “quick to listen, slow to anger, slow to speak”….people want to be heard. If I’m in an argument with Kim and say “I know, I got it, okay, stop”….it typically doesn’t work out too well for me. If I shut up and let her speak, and listen….winning.
5. We learn a poop load more from listening than from speaking.
I’ll bet if you take a few minutes to think about the people that you really enjoy being around, that you believe care about you, you’ll also notice they listen and ask questions, as much, or more, than they speak.
P.S. I read these to Kim every morning before sending (gut check) and she just added one of her favorite quotes: “the opposite of love is not hate, its disinterest”
Have a great Sunday….i’m attempting fishing with the family….HELP.