Happy Sunday:
i’m 30 days out from my little health scare. I have to admit, as much as i don’t want to be the guy of “reflection after a close call”, i can’t help myself. i’m better for this whole thing happening and i just wanted to share a few key thoughts that have had a positive impact on me.
We are all a part of one club or another. There is a”first time mom club”, “divorce club”, “recovered x club”, “cancer club”, “i lost a sibling club”, “i lost a parent club”, “i survived a tragic event club”, “depression club”, “Veterans club”, and for me “pretty healthy middle aged male with a close call club”…..How many times do you hear, “until you’ve been through it you just don’t know”….and its true but when you’re in that club, you’re more aware and appreciative of others in the club…obviously that’s why there are support groups for the various clubs. I’m not suggesting that my little ordeal requires a support group, but i am saying i have a greater appreciation today for everyone’s club. Even though i might not be in your club, i now understand that clubs exist and stories matter as opposed to “let me know when you’re done talking so i can tell you about me”. Does this make sense? i don’t feel sorry for people more, i’m just a little more interested in their story when they have one.
I need to celebrate the wins more and be less critical of the losses. If you think about a scale of 1 to 10, and then measure your joy or anger for various events, are they disproportionate ? If we do something amazing for a client, do i celebrate with my team at a 10 level? answer is no, it’s probably ranges for a 2-4, but if we screw up on a deal, my anger/frustration is a 10. If Jack brings home an A, do i celebrate with him as a 10? NO..probably a 5 or 6…..if he brings home a C, the disappointment is a 8-9. Being told what you’re doing wrong over and over again from anyone, sucks, its exhausting. Telling others what they’re doing right, throwing a compliment out, being visibility excited for someone’s accomplishment is very cool. You’re not always going to ruin someone’s day, although you certainly can if you try, but you can easily make someone’s day by moving the win scale to a 10.
Know who brings you joy, know who doesn’t. I can’t honestly say that 80% of my joy is created by 20% of my relationships but i can very honestly say that 80% of my stress is caused by 20% of my relationships (rest assure, if you’re reading this you’re probably not one of them). Post health issue, I find myself very unaccommodating to the energy suckers in my life. The feeling is akin to a burden being lifted. In order for “healthy” relationships to work, its as simple as understanding values. If your values are aligned, i think you can get through just about anything. If your values are not aligned, its a matter of time before something breaks. i’m not suggesting we need to sit down with everyone and say “what are your values”…..but if you know what yours are, you just have to watch someone elses actions to determine if they’re aligned. If they are, stick with them come hell or high water, if they are not, punt early and punt often…..life is truly too short to have negativity in your life…I’m learning, its just not needed, and things feel a lot lighter without it. My close friends and family keep asking if I’m alright….because I’m just a little more relaxed….and I’m certain this mindset and my decisions because of it, are causing joy….what a concept.