Happy Sunday Everyone:
If you can stick with me on this it will make sense.
About 10 years ago Kim and I got in a knock down drag out fight. We were arguing about our parenting styles. I said she disciplines the boys to a level 2 and needed to step it up….super smart comment, not so much. Net net-when I got my senses back, I suggested we go our separate ways and write down what we wanted our parenting to look like and then share our ideas with each other. The idea being when we’re not in our best frame of mind we have a reference point to go back to.
I had drinks with a friend/client last week. They just had their first baby. We were talking about parenting and raising kids. I shared with him the list Kim and I put together. It’s a written list about parenting and what type of spouses we want to be to each other. (You can read this list below). I shared the list with Jack and Thomas after my conversation with my friend/client last week. Jack responded with “You guys did a pretty good job with us”. Thomas’s response is below and speaks volumes.
My point-write things down. Have a reference point. It works. Its crazy to see the results.
Thomas’ response: This is honestly a real example to what can happen if you set goals and a purpose to a plan. It’s so cool to see goals and ideas work out. I am glad I was able to be a test subject honestly.
Boys-
I shared this with someone that just had a kid. Your mom and I put this together after a big fight on parenting. Was the document we could go back to when we weren’t in our best frame of mind to get back in alignment. You should both take a look. We’ve done a pretty good job with you both.
What do we want in our boys, and in life:
- Be kind
- Have Faith
- Positive
- Believe you can do anything
- Be confident and trust yourself
- Interested in the world
- Charitable
- Understands health, and that being healthy makes you feel great. Make healthy decisions.
- Enjoy exercise, enjoy the pain of exercise (runners high).
- Motivated to learn about life and explore
- Do their best in all they commit to.
- Appreciate working hard, in anything you do, gives the greatest chance of the results you want (not necessarily money driven).
- Respect for others, and others stuff.
- Proper manners
- Find things that genuinely interest them, not us.
- Understand TV/Video Games/phones should be minimized and serve very little purpose in being happy.
- Respect women, their parents, and one another.
- Respect teachers and school. put the time in to learn. its not about what they’re learning, its about the habits they’re creating for life.
- Do chores without us asking.
- Try to solve before asking how.
As Parents:
- Hold our kids accountable to what is above.
- Be energetic in weekend/activities with the boys.
- Get outside of our comfort zone with vacations/adventures/learning/museums.
- Focus less on food and teach them healthy habits.
- Show them what love looks like with how we treat one another.
- Have each others backs first at all costs.
- Be consistent in our communication with one another and our boys. Be consistent with our message. When we’re feeling weak, don’t push it onto the boys (i.e. dinner out vs. in because we’re tired).
- Be at our best in front of our boys (no gossip, no shit talking, minimal inappropriate activity).
- Show them a faithful marriage and a mutual respect for one another.
- Meet weekly to ensure we’re on the right track and discuss any differences we might have.
- Push not judging people. Let our boys figure out what they want to be…..be open to advice, suggestions.
As Spouses:
- Never go to bed mad.
- Respect one another and our strengths and weaknesses, we both need to appreciate what those are.
- Understand and act on each others love languages.
- Never say cruel things that you will regret.
- Take time at the end of the day to communicate on how each others days were, phones down, and listen.
- Know what’s important to each person regardless of how the other feels, and then respect it.
- Be in sync on financials/insurance/what to do when something bad happens, who, what, why, when, where, how?
- Be a gentleman to Kim, never assume she will always be here.
- Be active in our lives and get out of our comfort zone. Go someplace we’ve never been once a year.
- Exercise together (walks, workouts, whatever).
- Play sports together.
- Do something the other person likes, even though you might not love it.
- Date night.
- Have no regrets when we’re gone.